I didn't really know how to write this, but I have had this idea written down for a long time so I thought I'd finally write it. I have had two relationships and I've been cheated on in both of them, the first one I found the evidence myself and the second one I had a feeling and I did find some evidence, but just not as much as I would want to confront someone until over a year after the "relationship" ended I was told about their relationship during mine.

Now, I have no hatred towards either of those guys, personally I just don't want any contact with them because they're not great people and I just have no feelings at all for them in any way. But the things they did to me have affected me in ways that someone who's been lucky enough to have faithful partners just wouldn't understand. But, it's something that is becoming more common, so I thought I'd use my platform to highlight how being cheated on does affect someone and how it can taint future relationships.

My first boyfriend cheated on me with 7 people, he left his phone at mine while he went to work and I was going to take it to him until a message came through from a girl and the contents of this message just broke me, so I looked through his messages and I found so many explicit messages, arranging times to hook up all while he told me he was working or seeing friends. So that really did mess me up, I already had trust issues from a childhood full of trauma with my birth parents and now I had men who promised me I was all they wanted sleeping with other people?

I wanted to outsmart him, so I went to his work and I told him we needed to talk, so he took a break and I confronted him about one girl. He came up with the most elaborate lie on the spot, which did make me think he was expecting me to find something and wanted to be prepared, and honestly it was the biggest load of bull I could ever think of, so I dumped him pretty much straight away and went home and cried my eyes out.. After admitting that he did cheat on me with one person, the excuse was the most stupid excuse I could think of "I had to, she's insecure".

Now, my second boyfriend was a bit sneakier. I only suspected him cheating after a night out he had which he decided to go to an ex's house and I was told he was shouting at her window, that definitely started my suspicion along with never wanting to be intimate with me or let me know anything that he was doing. It wasn't until a year after we broke up that a friend of mine informed me about his relationship with another woman and told me the timing which was my confirmation that he was cheating on me for a good six months of our relationship, despite the fact when we broke up he used the famous line "But don't worry, there's no one else".

After being cheated on I didn't believe I was good enough to be loved, that being treated like a princess was only what you saw in movies and really I just expect people to cheat on me and leave me heartbroken every time I start to get close to someone now.

When someone makes that decision to cheat, they never understand the lasting effect it has on a person. I get so scared anytime a partner goes on a night out in case they'll cheat, doesn't matter if they are loyal to a T, I'll still have that fear. I constantly make myself believe that I'm not good enough and they'll find someone better, it makes me sad because before I was cheated on I was so confident around guys and now my brain goes to every terrible thing they could do to my trust and heart.

It took me over 2 years to even get back into dating scene, I'm a hopeless romantic which makes it so painful to always believe that you're going to end up alone and heartbroken when all you want is someone to make you feel loved, safe and to be important to someone not just something to be thrown away when they find something else. 

It wasn't until I started dating again that I realised that I deserve so much more than how these guys have treated me in the past, no matter how bad my trust issues are, I truly do believe there are good guys out there - I just have to look at how my friend's boyfriends treat them and it gives me so much hope to really find the one for me. 

I hope to the ends of the earth that none of you reading ever have to go through being cheated on, but if you have then my dm's are always open on instagram and twitter to chat. And if you're someone who has cheated, I have no sympathy for you and I hope karma kicks your ass in the worst way possible.

Here's to 2020 where we get rid of all the trash humans who do us dirty like this, better things are coming and lets hope its one for the fairytales. 

Daisy x